After much gut wrenching soul searching denial, I finally did it. I went to an Al Anon meeting last night. I have been passing the church for 6 months. I have printed the meeting schedule out 4 times and lost it 3. I have read posts and threads on this site for 5 months. Finally I drove over there and as I saw all the people in the parking lot I got butterflies. But I called up my friend who has encouraged me over the last year and a half to go to Al Anon, and he told me to get out of my car and just go.
I did. I felt so ashamed and embarrassed. I was scared to let go of the drama. I wanted to keep what was familiar. But I went. I started crying when the first woman spoke. DAMN I AM SO WEAK....( that is what I felt )Then they took us out of the room for a "first timers" meeting. I lost it when they asked what brought us here. I admitted that three of the people I loved the most in this life were alcholics or substance abusers. My voice cracked and tears rolled down my face as I admitted that I had been so sick the last week. But I felt better. They understood.
It helps to know that someone else is going through the same hell as you. Or they have been there and survived.
If you are still sitting in the parking lot of a meeting. Just open the door and go inside. TAKE CARE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE. YOU !!
Fran
