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Old 08-04-2021, 06:18 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
trailmix
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Originally Posted by 555Lynn555 View Post
I know he's making an effort and I know relapse is almost expected in early sobriety. I am proud of him for getting right back up when he has fallen, but I am also frustrated that he isn't really doing anything different and how do you expect the outcome to change if you don't? But that is me still trying to control what I cannot
I don't actually see your thoughts here as being controlling? They sound realistic to me. He isn't doing anything different, that's pretty much a guarantee for failure in sobriety and you are being realistic in thinking so. The frustration shows that you do have expectations for him though. You don't always need to be the cheerleader, being realistic is far better for you. If you keep your expectations in check (he will probably drink), you will free yourself from the frustration (at least a good part of it).

I also think it's great that he keeps trying, but relapse isn't really part of recovery. Really what he is doing is spacing out his drinking as long as he can stand to, at this point. Being "sober" is only the first step, the second is working on recovery. If he is unwilling to work on or even acknowledge that he needs help with whatever got him to this point in the first place, the odds of him staying sober are pretty slim.

There is a book that is recommended here often, you may have already read it, it is Codependent no more by Melody Beattie. It discusses a lot about boundaries etc and you might find it helpful.

One other forum you might find interesting is the Newcomers to recovery forum: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...mers-recovery/

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