Aftershock, aftermath, STUFF!
I don't know whether it's giving up smoking but I seem to be having a rough time right now. I have so many mixed feelings and gaps where clear lines of responsibility should be which is making it hard to really comprehend what happened. I'm also struggling with the aftermath.
We've been looking into changing the mortgage to fund me returning to college, part of that has been to try and sort our finances. We have a joint account and individual accounts and although D is basically open he's responsible for his own money.
The problem is over the last months he's wound up £10K (about $18K) in debt. Some of that obviously had gone on booze but alot of it was the result of some very strange spending sprees!! I don't mean normal stuff, not stuff anyone would want. For example he bought a job lot of silver baubles to make a giant flash unit, LOADS of broken digital cameras to repair, circuit boards and programmable micro chips for other ideas, a broken teapot he thought was silver - ebay and the charity shops have made a fortune!! It looks and is different from a 'normal' spend - I know he was ill, I don't know how much he really was responsible.
The debt will effect what mortgages we can take, D is determined to pay it off alone AND to try to fund me to study but that's unrealistic. I sometimes feel so sad for him because it's such a long walk out of this. Then sometimes I feel angry because HE DID THIS - or did he, was it JUST because he was ill?
Trying to make future plans, feeling hopes and doubts and right in the middle I remember what it FELT like and sometimes I desperately want to know (read someone to tell me) how much of it was his fault.
It's so pointless because there's no way of getting answers, any help that might have begun that process came too late. Even if I had answers it might not make anything easier.
BLAH!! I thought I was past this and I'm not.