How can they just leave you?
Hi all. New to this forum. Been lurking for a while but thought I should post my own story.
I (37F) and my ex (33M) were together 4 years off/on. Had our usual issues but trust was a big one because it started with lying. He kept his struggle with alcohol quite secret for 2 years. He was a binge drinker, usually just on weekends. He often broke promises and was late for things because he was hungover. He also texted women late at night and has a thing where he likes to hang onto his exes. He has no male friends and struggles with feeling accepted.
He broke up with me in March 2020 saying he was tired of our drama and basically wanting to be left alone to drink in peace. He also said he was struggling with whether he wanted kids or not (I don't, and he's also not in any shape to be a father). He came back in October 2020 wanting to reconcile, saying he madr a mistake and wants to be with me. I said ok and encourage therapy and treatment. 6 months later, turns out he was dating someone else at the same time (a single mother yet) we were reconciling. He was lying to us both. So I left 4 months ago. He got angry with me for trying to move on. He blocked me everywhere. He'd unblock me once a week to send obvious drunk texts, pick fights then disappear. He's still dating the single mom.
It was quiet for about 6 weeks. My phone rang last weekend. It was him. He was sobbing and very drunk. Told me what a mistake he made again, how he regrets everything, screwing up our relationship and how he feels guilty for disrespecting me because he loved me so much. He then told me he wasn't happy, was drinking even more, and now he feels stuck with the single mom because he's met her kid and feelings are involved. He told me he only dated her while we broke up to see how he felt about kids because he wanted to be with me so badly (messed up huh?). He also said he didn't feel supported (aka enabled) by me so he turned to her but he can't move on from me and needs closure.
I ended up hanging up on him because he was wasted.
My heart belongs to him. I don't want anyone else. We truly felt like we belonged together until the drinking and lies derailed it. I would do anything for him. I tried to get his family involved. I offered to go to therapy, treatment, anything he needed but he wouldn't. I went to AlAnon. I detached with love, which made him believe I don't care about him. But i do. So, so much.
How do you even begin to process all this? i'm 4 months out and feel like I'm getting worse, not better. I miss him everyday and I can't move on either.