...and if I don't say this I will implode. Instead of running around answering posts it is so much more efficient to climb on Smokes soap box and rant.
The subject is trust. Alot of you wonder when you will trust again and why you can't. Now let me remind you that my opinion in no way expresses that of the management...
What is there to trust and why would you set yourselves up again?? In my opinion and also in my life trust is something that is earned, not given out of obligation. It doesn't say it on a marrage license or a birth certificate. After 21 years of marrage to Ward I don't trust him 100%...why would I do that? There is always the possibilty that he could lose his mind and run off with a floozy. He could do something morally objectionable to me without even thinking about it. Until now he has proven to me that he can be trusted so I do, but not blindly.
The Beav has never had my trust and will probably never have it. First and foremost he is an addict and he has done alot to make me me not trust him. But even before that I didn't trust that he do his homework, I asked. I didn't trust that he was where he said he was, he was a teenage boy. And into adulthood he has lied and manipulated me to the point where I may never trust him. Not my problem. If it happens someday great. If not, oh well. But it will always be conditional on his behavior. HIS behavior.
Trust needs to be earned and I, for one, refuse to give it any other way. It is the recovering addicts responsibilty to live out his sobriety in a manner that does not leave any room for suspicion. Trying to force trust is suspiciously similar to denial and that leaves a bad taste in my mouth. So what if they get their feelings hurt if we wonder aloud if they REALLY went to that meeting. After all, they were an hour later than usual. We have alot of experience to base that assumption on and very little to refute it.
Bottom line?? I refuse to feel any guilt about not trusting anyone who has not earned it. And especially those who have damaged what trust I did have. I trust me!
Hugs,
JT