one thing that baffles me is the way he would be so mean and angry acting when I’d leave. He would claim he was trying to get me to come back home. He was wanting me to come back home.
Well, first, it’s an excuse for being such a giant butt, so there’s that. But second, it’s true, in an inside out kind of way: if he bullies you into coming home, he wins. He has even more power than before you left. If he has to compromise or charm or apologize to get you to come home, he loses…he had to concede some power to you.
With guys like this, it’s all about control. In his world, if you win, he loses…there’s no such thing as a win-win.
And IMO, a marriage by definition should always be about finding the win-win.