Originally Posted by
Graceful123 
@CBS62
It's been a tough journey. Very very tough. Sometimes I want to drink just to alleviate the symptoms but I know they will come back ten-fold if I do so I soldier on.
Most of my anxiety is now situational-based which is a nice change of pace from months 3-6 when it was constant and excruciating. The anxiety and depression seem to be exclusive, when one lifts, the other one tries to make an appearance. I've been having lots of good days but as soon as even a little stress comes my way it's back to the races.
Oh well, Looks like I'm on track to still have symptoms in my second year of recovery (which is coming on July 6th). The thing that significantly lifts my spirits is the fact that everything has been getting better and better and I'm hoping year 2 will see the end of this whole struggle.
But what can you do.. Life goes on and so do I.
This is so true to my experience as well - when the anxiety waxes the depression wanes. The waves come like uneasiness, then a day or so of anxiety, then a string of days of depression, then a couple of days of springing forward and feeling totally good and normal and positive. I think, Graceful, this is yet another turning point in our recovery - the normal day stretches will get longer and longer until the PAWS stuff finally ends. Unfortunately yes it I think it will be well into our second year, but like so many have said in earlier threads of this topic - for most of us out on the far end of the spectrum about a year and a half is realistic for feeling like we're on solid ground. I don't think I'll be out at two years like Matt the OP - but thank god for him sharing his experience for us to come together and share ours.
Also I wanted to say a "hell yes" to what you said about regular stress and anxiety brings you back to the races. I have been seeing someone on and off through all of this - before I got sober and during my first year - and finally at this point he has had enough. Like in the most empathetic way, but the relationship just never had the right timing and I can't be there for him like he is for me, and he has put up with this for a year and a half. And dealing with that loss feels like a million more times devastating than it would normally because of PAWS and the anxiety and depression. And the fear I feel. And the resentment for PAWS stealing away a year or more of my life. It's a lot - there have been a lot of tears this week. I hate PAWS so much - but it IS getting better. Last week after my days of depression I had three days of feeling exactly the way I wanted to feel when I quit drinking. Like I felt the way I was chasing when I decided to get sober. Those days are going to be more than just a string of two or three - they will be our lives if we just don't drink.
Much love to you, Graceful and congrats tomorrow on 11 months! I'll be there on Monday. So grateful to have you on here to share your experience, strength and hope.