Cura.....I know how confusing this might be for you to wrap your head around, at first. It seems very counterintuitive to most people---and, especially, to those of us who may have co-dependency tendencies,,,lol.
A general suggestion....don't pressure and nag him to "quit drinking" or to go to AA, etc. This just tends to cause them to dig their heels in deeper---and, secretly resent you even more.
Sure, you can talk about his drinking behaviors----BUT, talk from the perspective of how it makes YOU feel, as an individual. Always start with "I" sentences.And, you can be very honest about how it affects You.
Here is an interesting idea---an alcoholic will accept input from other alcoholics much easier than they will a loved one who is close to them. The idea is that alcoholics tend to carry quite a burden of feel ing shame and guilt. They don;t feel the "judgement" so much from another alcoholic....whereas, criticism from a loved one only tends to trigger more guilt and shame and cause even more desire to drink to cope with those feelings.
Also, if you pressure and nag them to "do something about their drinking"----this usually results in them blaming you, even more,about their drinking. Blame...blame....blame....
You can be a wife, but, it just doesn't work to try to crawl inside their head and try to be their therapist. That has to be left to the professionals. It never works, because it is too subjective to you. You are too close to it to ever have full objectivity. And, the outcome is too important to you---where a counselor or therapist doesn't have that burden of such subjectivity.