Originally Posted by
Cura 
How do you feel out where the line of space and support is? From your experiences, is it something they can tell you at some point, or other ways to figure out what is support, what is trying to fix, and when to just turn around and go to another place?
Well, truthfully, what do you have to support? If he had decided to quit drinking, well, then if he asked you could drive him to an AA meeting? Generally when someone has a problem, we like to help if we can. Hungry? Can I make a sandwich? Sad? Want to come over and talk it out? You know what I mean.
Alcoholism is something that requires professional help or at the very least, a group of people who understand and can help (like AA).
What I'm saying in a round about way is you can't help him unless he specifically asks for your help (like the ride to AA). You can listen to him if you want to, you can listen to him tell you his problems for years, however, that doesn't mean you are capable of solving his drinking and/or problems and it doesn't mean he actually wants you to. You can't fix this.
Many who come to SR want to help, just like you do. It's not a bad thing! It just shows your compassion, but it's not wholly realistic.
Here is a vague analogy. Say you need to lose 10 pounds. You really want to! You say to your friend, I need to lose this 10 lbs, it feels horrible, I can't fit in to my fav jeans, etc etc. Maybe you say that often! You may still have the dessert after dinner you know? You may not be ready to do it just now but it makes you feel better to acknowledge it. You don't expect your friend to solve it for you or drag you off to weight watchers.