View Single Post
Old 04-07-2021, 02:20 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Cura
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2021
Posts: 12
Trailmix and Bekindalways,

It's funny to hear things I know and use in other situations brought up here. When you say to look after yourself first, it's seems so obvious to me how important that is and how much I have not been doing it. I was a volunteer first responder and had it drilled into me 'self, then team, then subjects' for a darned good reason. Failure to do that has resulted in the death of other volunteers in that organization and I feel a bit slow having not seen that. Thank you for making that clear for me.

​​​​​Streets. Yes that makes sense. I am scared of staying on my side and watching him get worse, but I see that is mine to deal with.

We ended up going for a walk and talking yesterday (4 hour walk on account of still talking) and I asked him if some of what I've read here describes his experience. He says he wants so badly to tell me where he is at and what he feels, but doesn't know how to put words to it. It was amazing how a small prompt or question allowed him to start talking, and when I told him where I got the insight from he genuinely thought about why his feelings and actions line up with what I've read.

He may be stubborn and he. y not want to stop, but he is trying to hear me and trying to tell me things he doesn't have words for. I can't ask for more and for that 4 hours he dropped his defensiveness and talked and told me the questions he asks himself and the frustration he feels when he doesn't understand why he feels his compulsion to drink.

I didn't think the start of getting support for myself would open up the door to that kind of conversation. I'm just grateful he is a strong enough person to have that conversation, and to be honest that he doesn't want to change his coping strategy. I respect that honesty - it doesn't happen when he's drunk or emotional, so hearing it when he's mostly sober means a lot.

Thank you for the advice, for drawing attention to my thinking patterns and for validating what I'm feeling. I have a few ideas and a few goals I think I'll set. Small things like taking up a coworker on learning about my new camera, leaving the house to work on my school even though I feel guilty leaving him stuck in his head and drunk. They are small, concrete things, but hard to do I suspect.


Anyways, thank you. I'll be back in a few days to set some more goals and see how this goes.


​​​​
​​​​​
Cura is offline