Alcoholism affects every single person that comes in to contact with it. The alcoholic, their friends and family, workmates, everyone.
How do people watch this and feel these things while still doing their own thing? I feel like I'd have to disconnect a part of me to do it if that makes sense.
It absolutely makes sense and yes, it's true. How can you stay so emotionally attached to someone that is hurting you and your relationship with them. Of course you absolutely can, but what will that do to you? There is a saying around here, you don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. You know how it goes, if you let yourself be beat up/drained emotionally you will be no good to anyone and especially not to yourself.
So there is detachment. You don't have to stop loving him, but detaching yourself from his problem with alcohol is pretty imperative. He will quit drinking when he wants to and not a moment before.
First time I've ever found this counsellors response to be so far off my own beliefs but am I missing something here?
As Velma mentioned, the message from your counsellor is quite different from the - set an ultimatum! message you are getting from others.
It's imperative that you look after your own wellbeing.
You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's)