My experience with all the anxiety etc. seems similar, but nobody can really say what a person is feeling except that person.
I take lisonopril for my BP and if I stop taking that I freak out besides my bp elevating.
Addiction to anything is for life. I am an ex active drunk, clean a few years, but I still crave the buzz.
The only way I found out was suffering and time, but my hell must have been somewhat bearable, otherwise I would not have made it.
Based on you post, you are in pretty deep to RX meds and other mental things.
Thanks for the post as a reminder of what awaits if I slip.
Consider what you did both a turn in a good direction for education and a good deed for helping folks like me get educated on your experience.
If you keep using SR to help you I am confident things will improve.
In my 6 years on this site I have yet to read a post that said SR did anything but help someone.
Love love love.
Thanks.