As a father and someone who has been through the darkness I wanted to write to say you owe it to your children to quit drinking and sort your head out. I know you know this and I am not laying more guilt ontop of the pain you already feel. However you can get through the depths of where you are right now - but you can only do it by putting down the drink for once and for all. Have you ever looked at Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life? I was close to being where you are right now when I quit drinking for good, almost 3 years ago. That book, and this website, helped me finally reclaim my life for my self, my wife and, most importantly, for my children.