I drank yesterday I was skiing and the out door bar was just to tempting. I just couldn't stop myself it was automatic like I was on auto pilot. I fell skiing because I was sking drunk.
I want to stop but I get so depressed and I can't enjoy things without a drink. Sober I just think so negative and always find something wrong with everything. Then I drink and the critical voice in my head goes away the one telling me Im a loser.
Also i drink to have the courage to do crazy things. I'm a really timid sober but get a few drinks in me and I'm the life of the party.
I ready to really try soberity now.
I need to go back to aa but I don't drive so can't get to meetings plus I'm not going during a pandemic until I can get a vaccine.Not to mention I'd have to ask family for a ride (I don't drive ). My pride won't let me tell anyone in my life I'm drinking heavily again or that I need help.
I just feel so terrible all the time it feels as if my head is going to explode. Not to mention when sober I'm tired all the time even if I have not touched a drop I a month. I also bing eat when I don't drink I just eat non stop junk all the time. I to tired to cook.
I'm sorry I let everyone down I kinda new I would.
anyway I'm going to keep trying I'm sober today.
David
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