I just started reading "Rational Recovery" yesterday. I learned about AVRT on SR in the last year or two and have read several posts. Time to do a deeper dive.
So yesterday one thing on p. 22 stopped me cold. This sentence: "Suicidal ideas serve an important purpose of justifying drinking." Wow. My relapse 2 years ago happened in a depression with a lot of suicidal ideation. Not a "plan" but many thoughts of disappearing into the great void. I had a clear notion that drinking was better than dying so why not drink again (after 18 months sober). That was exactly what I thought. It made sense to drink under those circumstances for just a little while. Of course I got stuck in the cycle again.
Fast forward. Today I'm back to 30 days and I'm on Chapter 2 of this book. I fell for the oldest trick up the AV's sleeve, its First Commandment or something. Better armed this time.