It sounds like you could have subjected yourself to more of his abuse . . . . or not . . . . but he was going to do what alcoholics do.
Originally Posted by
J109 I will miss him forever and will forever have a hole in my stomach. I can’t see myself dating after this.
You may well miss him for ever. It has been over 30 years since I left my qualifier and I still think of him and miss him; however time has made changes in me that I could never have imagined. I've learned so much about who I am and life. I've quit drinking myself.
There was a book about grieving called
How to Survive the Loss of a Love. I have probably read it 20 times; it is short and can be read in an hour or less. It doesn't really analyze grief. The book more sits down next to you and cries with you. I have never found anything better.
I hope you are getting through one more day the absolute best you can . . . . your best may just be staying in bed and managing not to wet it . . . (-; . . . . some times are like that.