So I really need to get out my thoughts and worries tonight...sorry if this ends up being a long post!
My Alcoholic Fiancé just celebrated 120 days sober and is really doing great with his program. After a few inpatient rehab stays, he has been at a Sober Living Facility for the past four months. He's very active with the guys in the house and attends at least one AA meeting a day. I am SO proud of his dedication and progress. Somewhere along the way, he mentioned that he committed to himself to stay there through Christmas, and then reevaluate what to do next at that time. Since about Thanksgiving time, he has talked about being ready to come home shortly after Christmas - which was great news to me and I am comfortable with this plan. Looking forward to it actually! So here we are. No plan yet, but I am anticipating the conversation.
Throughout this journey, we have still maintained a strong, healthy, supportive relationship, even with the challenges and struggles. His sober house is literally right up the road from our apartment, so we see each other pretty regularly. However, I have been personally struggling lately with feeling a distance and lack of connection between us. He's still very loving, caring, and I am never worried about how much he loves me and wants us to be together, but the only way I can explain my concern is a "disconnect." I assume this is normal as he goes through his process and change in lifestyle??
The best example I can give is time spent together I guess. When he started the program through the sober house, he had group therapy daily, all day (PHP). After some time, they moved him to IOP, which was still daily, but just in the mornings. Then, he was moved to 3 days a week, and recently 2 days a week. So weaning him down as he's made great progress. He also worked the steps with a sponsor, and he sees his primary therapist almost weekly one to one. He does some bio-feedback neuro thing several times a week too. Once he did not have group therapy each day, he stared volunteering at the local food bank a few times a week to practice service and stay constructively busy. All great things, right???
I'm a teacher and have been working 100% remotely this whole time, we don't have children, and my schedule is very free obviously due to the pandemic! I guess it was surprising to me that even when he didn't have daily group therapy anymore, and he doesn't have a new job yet, we didn't start spending more time together. But I haven't pushed him because I know this is HIS battle. It's hard going from having a life together for 3 years, then having it fall apart due to his addiction, and now as it's coming back together, I feel increasingly alone and waiting. We've had discussions about this, but I try to leave it up to him as not to put any added pressure on him.
I'm also concerned that he hasn't been more aggressive with job searching now that he has more free time. Again, haven't pushed him. The loss of his previous career and finding a new job was a HUGE source of anxiety and depression for him prior to starting his recovery, so it makes sense to me, but it's still surprising and concerning. It's like that is the last piece of the puzzle for him to really get back to the real world. Deep down, I'm worried that he's avoiding it (and possibly time spent with me at the apartment) since that means fully being on his own again?
I'm sure I need to be more patient. Right? What's realistic at this point?
We have a couples therapy session on Friday with his therapist so I wanted to get all of this out on here first so I am in a better mindset.
As always, thanks for any insight friends
