Old 12-13-2020, 10:45 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
FallenAngelina
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Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by akrasia View Post
My alkie ex and I are still friends. I don't know if I'll ever get over him.
I don't mean to be blunt, but just pointing out: If you're still friends with him, still in love with him and still in his life, people will get the impression that you're still the acting wife. You haven't removed yourself from the situation, then you're not only not giving yourself the opportunity to get over him, you're giving everyone else the impression that you're still with him. Characterizing yourself as a handmaiden implies that you feel no agency over your own life, but the fact is that you do have choices regarding the extent to which you're available to him. Trying to be his friend while still in love with him is usually an effort that leads to feeling put upon and misunderstood. Hence, feeling like others view you as a handmaiden. The only way this changes is if you make different choices. Others will follow your lead.
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