Home from a lovely, although challenging weekend away. My abbreviated tale:
- Friday 31 August 2000, 6.30pm. Lit up and smoked my last cigarette. I was a bit torn while smoking the last one. One half of me was trying to convince myself that it tasted disgusting, imagining the tar building up on my lungs each inhale, watching my teeth discolour and rot and all of this was costing me $1.30 for four minutes. The other half wanted to enjoy the last smoke and leave all the negative stuff for when I really was an ex-smoker.
- By 9 o'clock I was ready for my evening smoke, so just crawled into to bed (very early for me) to get away from any triggers that would set of cravings.
- Saturday morning - up early for last minute food packing. Usual morning coffee on the deck and first real craving for a smoke upon me. All good, I was expecting it. I am determined that I still want to have my morning coffee outside with the sun rising and the birds calling, so this place, time and activity is a trigger that I have to turn off. My thinking (pre-determined): nicotine levels in my blood are half what they were last night. There will be lots of receptors feeling quite neglected and hungry, but they will learn that they don't really need that quick fix if I continue to insist that they can do without and it will only take a few days.
- The rest of day 1. Time in the car, setting up camp, a couple of short walks - one through a rainforest area and one along an escarpment - both beautiful. I craved a cigarette each time I got out the car and each time I stopped on my walk, but as soon I got active again, the craving would disappear. That was until heading back to camp and settling in for the evening. It was really hard to get away from these cravings so it was great that there was no possible access to a smoke. I did end up having my first nicorette chewy to help me through the final hours of day 1.
- Day 2 was a mixture of some adventure 4WD'ing and bush walks. It was great having the distraction, but I still found it really challenging to get over cravings. All the literature would make you think that all cravings only last a few minutes - they don't take into consideration that sometimes cravings come around really frequently - particularly when there are many 'habit triggers' associated with smoking. I did end up having 2 nicorette gums during day 2. I was trying my best not to resort to NRT as I am keen to get the nicotine out of my system as soon as possible, but I also don't want to put myself of quitting smoking by making it harder than I need to.
So now onto day 3 and home again. It is a day to learn to get through all the usual habit triggers. I am on edge and feeling very raw and sensitive - unreasonably so - but many say day 3 is the toughest. I hope they are right! Either way, I know this was not going to be easy, but I also don't want an easy come, easy go outcome, so the work is worth it.
My small consolation is that at least quitting smoking doesn't come with the same physical symptoms as alcohol! No sweats, tremors, vomiting, lack of balance, inability to eat.....etc..... The emotional withdrawal is tough, but I do keep reminding myself that it will go away and it won't kill me or leaving lasting hurt.
I will keep posting here until I have reached the one week milestone, then I'll move to the
24-hour-no-nicotine-no-smoking-club (24 Hour No Nicotine/No Smoking Club ~ Part 13)here on SR - I really can't wait!