mylifenow

thanks, robina, i'm so sorry to hear about your daughter. Sounds much like watching my son destroy his life. I had spinal injury/surgery/long rehab when he was almost 16 and he would not help me even get out of my chair. He put my walker far away where I couldn't get it, then the cane up on the ceiling fan. I was single parent. I had to call social services and place him in foster. During that, the foster mother allowed "her boys" to stay out til 11pm and smoke and drink i found out, and they all got in trouble for skipping school, which he'd never done before. He came back but never was the same. He didn't run around; no, he never left the house and nobody could make him do anything. I tried everything, even the safe patrol. He couldn't care less. Then the state i was in passed a law that 17 year olds could leave school despite parental protest. So I told him, not in school, you have to leave. I thought that'd wake him up, instead he went to live down the street. What could I do? After about 8 months of that he wanted to "try" coming home. I was besides myself and said Yippee! Within 1 week he was sullen, up all night, into my purse. I told him to leave. When he said he didn't have anywhere to go, I said, sorry. He did find a friend's couch to flop on, but stubbornly kept up his routine and never stayed in touch. Then he said he was freaked out with his life going by, at about age 18, went for his g.e.d., and joined the service. To which, less than a year later, went "awol" while at training and was discharged, i still don't know status. Lots of advance $ to pay back. This was nearly 4 years ago. Upon discharge, he stayed with me, now married, and 2 weeks in, he was again sullen, up all night, dirty, and upon pushing into his "room", our 2nd br, find a baggie with white powder in it. He began jumping up and down on the bed by a huge window and my h wrestled him to the floor...kicked him out in the middle of the night. Should have called police, but knew he had people he could call to flop on the couch. Didn't hear from him for nearly a year, but knew where he was, working on and off with h.
Since then, he met up with this girl at a party and they moved inthe next day, they say. She drinks on weekends (binge), he drinks now every day I think. They cover for each other. THey don't return calls and when I did visit, the place was a utter pigstye with catbox about ayear old. Then the bird had 2 awful "accidents", and I do believe my son killed the bird. It was the look on his face and the way he was laughing about it. Suddenly I was afraid of my own son. And I haven't been back inside their place.
Late September I got a call to please help them move. I didn't want to, but felt maybe he's turning around. I get there and he's as sullen as ever, ordering me about. I warned him. He came back out and was worse. I told them to get the boxes out of my car I had to leave. I finally had to do it, then he pushed me aside and slammed the back win/door so hard it broke. So I drove away and have not heard from him since, altho I emailed the insurance info, etc.
He needs glasses; goes without now for over 2 years. He is wearing clothes from over 5 years ago. He is finally working fulltime with her, at a temporary job. He's not in college. She's graduating and saying she's leaving. I dn't know what else to do, except stay away and hope for the best. Maybe because another Christmas is coming (which he refused since about age 11 to participate in, saying it is stupid), and he is in this state of mind. Everything is my or my husband's fault. I know this is crap. I dn't go to meetings, don't go out at night in dead winter due to spine...
I know I've done the right thing by "standing firm" against verbal physical and emotional abuse with this kid, and of course, lots of factors, but hey, we all have to decide to lay down or get up, right? That's the story. Nothing new, i appreciate your support...many many sleepless nights and nightmares, but not so much anymore. Actually, I can hardly see his face in my mind's eye anymore nor hear his voice, and that is really frightening to me. thanks, blessings.