Bad day 1 again
So in late May I went to the ER got librium and managed to quit drinking for a month. Then one Saturday night I came home from work and found one of my cats dead stiff. I paniced and couldn't handle it and went on a month long binge drinking all day on my days off from work and from the end of work to bed time almost every single night. I think in the entire last month I was able to stay sober 2 days, not 2 in a row just 1 random day twice in the month without issues. When I'm not drinking my bp is normally around 110/70 or less even. Yesterday I binged and blacked out at 5pm and woke up around 10:30 and said enough was enough. I still have 9 - 10 MG libriums left over from last time since my dr told me not to finish the script, only take as needed. By 2:30 AM I had woken up in fear 4+ times from nightmares that felt so real and during those nightmares I remember knowing it was a dream and screaming in my head to wake up before the demons came back. Laid back down until 4:30 on my left side just to rest, some reason I can't sleep on my left side but I didn't want to risk sleeping again. I don't know if the nightmares were from withdrawal or the librium. My BP was 131/99 and pulse 86 at 4:30 which isn't horrible but is high for me. I had some chest tightness and just drove myself to the ER 10 minutes away once again and called off work for the day.
My BP was up to 150/105 and pulse around 100 by the time I got there. They weren't conserned about those values at all, they said they work when its at 180+. This time they didn't even give me ativan, just saline to rehydrate me and some magnesium via an IV. I just laid in bed for almost 6 hours while they watched my vitals. Right now I'm at 132/95 and a 90 pulse most likely due to my increased anxiety, I already have anxiety problems. After the magnesium iv was done they just sent me on my way home with no actual medication for withdrawal which is why my anxiety is so bad at the fear that it might get worse even though otherwise I feel fine, I'm not very hungry but I'm eating. Not sure if I should use the remaining 9 libriums or not but I'm trying to stay away from them unless I have more wd side effects. Day 1 once again and I hope this is finally it.