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Old 07-24-2020, 07:33 AM
  # 15 (permalink)  
LumenandNyx
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Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: I'm sitting right here ...
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Originally Posted by LostinMD View Post
I was shocked. He had been colder and more distant the last few days but....this ? And I questioned him on it and he just said, "Oh my God, you are SOOOOO sensitive why are you so sensitive." I said, well is that how you feel? You want to break up? The money isn't a reason for us to stay together, that is fine...

A few weeks ago, middle of the night I got a text that just said, "Hey, I over you." This after all the previous texting was kisses and I love you etc....when I pushed him the next day as to WTF he said, I do stupid **** when I drink. Ignore me. And we moved on like nothing happened ....

SO---from those of you who struggle with this disease and are in relationships; which version of this man am I to believe ? . I haven't pushed too hard on that point as I am still legally married, but divorcing (slowly winding through the courts, thanks covid).

Maybe I need to just cut my losses and run, but yeah....I care about this guy.
Yeowza!

I'm a woman and I can see from your words that you both have a lot on your individual plates. A lot of unfinished business which does not bode well for a successful relationship. You're both married and that alone is HUGE. In addition, he's an alcoholic. You don't know who he really is because even with his four days of sobriety - he is not the same person he would be with four months of sobriety. Or even better - four years. Sorry. And unfortunately, just because someone doesn't drink for four days, that doesn't exactly make them sober. It can take four days and longer just to detox. That process most certainly interferes with our personality.

You can care about the guy from afar. You can care about him as you both clean up your sides of the street. He's got a ways to go through before a relationship should be anything he thinks he can juggle along with his newfound sobriety if, indeed, he ever manages to get there.

It looks to me like he needs some sober guidance on a regular basis. Getting sober alone is a monumental task and if he doesn't have any prior experience with treatment, meetings, or coaching/counseling - I don't know how he could successfully climb that mountain. That doesn't mean it can't happen, but he'd have to want his sobriety as much as he wants water and AIR.

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