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Hi,
I just joined here because recently my boyfriend has been admitted to rehab for alcohol. Him and I have only been dating for a year, and honesty the year had a lot of low moments. Let me explain from the beginning! We are in a long distance relationship while I go to school. We started dating right when I left for college, and I was really hopeful that he would be the one for me. When I first moved to AZ our communication was really bad, he would sometimes just not answer my texts or he wouldn’t call me. He never acts how my day is going or anything like that. He sometimes got mad if I went out to parties. (I understand because he didn’t want me around guys) I understand some people think this is normal but I’ve only ever had constant communication(I don’t think constant communication is the healthiest either, I believe there’s a balance) our relationship would get to the point where we’d go hours without talking because his phone died or he just wouldn’t answer. Fast forward, i caught him texting his ex she still dms him from time to time. He blamed it on him being drunk, but I was still hurt. He would tell me he loved me and he wants to marry me but then he’d go and sometimes ditch me for his friends, like tell me we’d hang out then go to his friends instead. I know this may not seem like a big deal but it happened a lot. He also drank everyday and I didn’t know if that was normal or not. He’d drink so much sometimes he’d get sick and have to go to the ER. One time the doctor told him he almost died because of his heart, and he didn’t go to rehab. Instead he said he could do it on his own and then he started drinking a month later. (I’m not judging him at all I understand addiction is hard go through) I made sure to take care of him and always be there for him. Fast forward again... it was my birthday and he didn’t get me a gift and didn’t even try to see my on my birthday. He said this was all because he wanted to drink and He revolved everything around drinking. I believe him on that but it still doesn’t hurt any less. Present day, he’s in rehab and he still has terrible withdraws and I can’t help but worry. I’ve read online and gotten advice from people to just be friends with him so he can focus on himself. I brought that up to him and him and his family kind of freaked out on me, which I get. I wasn’t trying to leave him I was doing what I thought was best. I constantly stay up and worry about him, I can’t sleep, can’t eat, and I know that’s so selfish. He has texted me suicidal messages and then I won’t hear from him. I’m pretty young and it’s just getting to be a lot. Again, I know I’m being selfish but I don’t know what to do. He’s treated me badly in the past and I understand part of that was the addiction but at the same time it’s hard to stand by somebody who hurt you badly. Also I spend my entire day freaking out on if he’s okay or not. So I guess my question is what should I do? Am I being selfish for wanting space? I love him but it’s getting to be a lot for me to handle and I feel like I can’t even be the rock he wants me to be.