What a great read Ann. I agree with every word.
When my journey began, 6 years or so ago, with my addict son I was so frightened. The anxiety was horrendous, and I was just going through the motions - with everything!
I kept waiting on that "knock at the door" to tell me my son had been found dead.
I realised that I coud not continue this way, or I would hit the skids.
Reading these forums was an absolute life saver. I slowly grew stronger in my resolve. The turning point for me, was when I truly accepted that I could not change my sons behaviours. Yes, I knew this previously, but I didn't accept it, and flogged myself half to death for about 4 years - and not one thing had changed.
I remember reading posts from others who had lived through the same exeriences, and as you mentioned, appeared content and serene, and I thought oh I so wish I was at that point.
ACCEPTANCE, gave me that. Knowing I had no control over anyone else, and what will be, will be.
Much Love
Bute xx