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Old 07-16-2020, 04:37 AM
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Bananadookie
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Join Date: Jul 2020
Location: Texas
Posts: 4
Stress Induced Paranoia ??

My partner has been on his journey to recovery for about 3 months now. I see good, helping with chores again, doing his part with work, with our baby. Everything is going so well, he’s on sub and about to start psychotherapy.
I know recovery isn’t easy and there’s always the change of relapse. Knowing that I get so paranoid that he’s using fent again but I haven’t found anything? He doesn’t carry cash now, he has a good amount of money saved up and no ATM withdrawals. No money sent to strangers. Literally nothing that points to him using but I still accuse him of it?!
I know I’m probably harming his recovery with always accusing but even if he were he wouldn’t tell me the truth if he does relapse but he has his facilities number and says he would go to the detox center right away.
Is this my way of self-destructing? Getting him to fail so I have a reason to walk away?
With the stress of a 4 month old and hearing that 30-40 percentage of stories about relapse I’m just a paranoid mess. I know he has bad days were his body is just tired since it can take a year before he even is healed from all the substances but when I see him falling asleep or itching (He has eczema) I’m back to remembering what it was like for the past 2 years when he was abusing prescriptions.
I’m thinking once he starts the therapy we go and see someone together which he really wants to in order to gain my trust again. He’s such a talented, smart and funny guy that I just feel sad for him and at the same time resentment for everything I was put through.

I’m willing to walk away if need be but I feel like he’s genuine and it’s not like it was before. Just some ranting.
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