Originally Posted by realize

Hi everyone, i’m new here.
My recent ex boyfriend, has known of me since we were very young (we hadn’t met) and always had a crush on me. Recently, this past feb we officially met through a friend and beginning of april became official. The connection was instant, it felt real because we knew eachother for months prior to becoming intimate. It still feels real. I knew he was a former opioid addict, my understanding was he had been clean for about 4 years (of course i didn’t know details regarding small slip ups but overall i thought 4 years) - our mutual friend also vouched for this.
looking back now, There were red flags from the start. I noticed he often spent a long time in the bathroom, and also (TMI?) while we had an amazingly passionate sex life, he would have delayed or no orgasm. He was on methadone maintenance so he blamed it on that.
Otherwise, we still had a regular and amazing sex life, talked all the time, hung out almost every night. Everything felt very health, consistent, we were happy. There was no question in my mind this felt meant to be. We always told eachother we love eachother, we would go for runs, walks, always had a good time. Fast forward to mid May, he became a little isolated and asked me to hang out less often. One time i was upset with him and he hung up on me, and i had to call him 10x before he answered and was quite rude, making me feel crazy for being upset.
Following that he was often physically sick and seemed depressed. I would be there for him. i Assumed it was tapering off the methadone.
Mind you, during this time i had come into some money and he had asked me to lend him (at separate times) what equaled over $1000 (embarrassing i know). he paid back the first time right on pay day. but the last $600 he kept making excuses. on top of that, he still was always nice and loving but became more isolated, not calling me after work because he was tired and would be sleeping. I felt like i was initiating most hangouts . Some hangouts would be amazing and normal, other hangouts he seemed extremely withdrawn and distant.
I confronted the situation one night and we argued. the next day he opened up saying he was depressed and he even hand wrote me a very sincere letter. We had an amazing weekend.
Upckning week, became isolated again. We got in an argument and he got in the habit of turning things around on me, saying all i want to do is argue, “i can’t do this right now, can we just talk tomorrow?” it became a habit for him to shut me out and ignore my calls when i was upset, even tho he knew that gives me extreme anxiety. he would apologize after but always did it again.
That week he told me he had relapsed 6 months prior (meaning way before we began hanging out), and he needs help. He started on pills like oxy and when that became less adorable and attainable he began smoking fentanyl..... this scares me! it also answers why he was always in the bathroom so long, and why he borrowed all that money from me.
I did not judge and was very supportive. very loving. but also do not put up with **** and will call him out no problem. He wanted to stop using and was having trouble focusing on us and his recovery so said we should take space, like a break. For about the next month, a cycle of us not talking for a day, then us talking and him engaging with me and being nice. maybe even meeting up in a great mood, then the next day ignoring me and stating “sorry i can’t always text you back!! we are suppose to be on a break! that means no talking “
it was very inconsistent. he says he wants time to focus on himself and getting better so that when we are together he can be the man i deserve. and that when he verbally snaps or puts me down, that’s not the real him.
Recently, i’ve been going out of my mind with the inconsistency and every time we talk he makes me feel like a burden of his time. A few weeks back, he ended it saying we should just break up for now, he loves me but needs to focus on his recovery. then he ignored me for days before he would have a closure conversation. i was very upset and missed him, fast forward a week, we gradually texted mire in a casual way. but he would still say “goodnight babe i love you xoxo”every night . he also texted me that he just wants me to know he isn’t thinking about anyone but me, and he can’t wait to do it right this time, when he is himself again. met up with him a few nights ago and we got along so well. he was kinda playful and flirty which i felt is fine because we still aren’t together . we didn’t hook up but afterwards in text he was flirty and loving .
all of a sudden he becomes distant again the next day and ignores me so i show up at his house and he wouldn’t even let me in. he said i can’t just show up, we are suppose to be taking time. and he seemed so cold and distant. and the next day he snapped and told me to leave him the **** alone, and stop bothering him!
when i said “so you never wanna get back together then?” and he goes “i didn’t say that, but i just need time!”
i haven’t talked to him since.
i’m pretty observant, but i just want to know the thoughts from anyone who has experienced this from my side or even from the opioid addict perspective .
i know he is right he needs space to rewire, he is not going to have patience, or consistent emotions. Small things will stress him out and an argument could trigger relapse. but his disrespect and calling all the shots on interaction when convenient seems manipulative. also making me feel like a burden and like i always just want to argue, and i know he knows he’s being an *******. he is turning it around on me.
From anyone’s perspective, he originally had a few
slip ups and came clean eventually but he says he hasn’t used at all in about a month. I just feel like with his extremely rude behaviour toward a woman he loves, i don’t believe him. I believe he is pushing me away on purpose because he is ashamed he is still using.
what does everyone think?

**i should add, he never went to detox, or inpatient rehab. He claims to have told his methadone doctor who convinced him against taking time off work for rehab, to work with him to get back up to a more fitting dose, and keep attending meetings. To me, sounds like he makes money off him and doesn’t wanna lose him as a patient. So now, he apparently self detoxed, and is only doing online meetings because of the pandemic. and doing his own reading at home . he also works from home right now