Originally Posted by
lo23 
Thank you for your answer, it really soothes my heart..My therapist made it clear to me that he IS addicted, that this is classic behavior (on/off)due to addiction, but i wanted to give it a shot...(actually more than one time..) I don't do drugs i do not know how this kind of people act..The mistake i'm making is that i'm trying to give an answer that makes sense. I suppose is hard to accept the fact that i chose this guy..It's all self blame and guild trips right now..Everyone says he will come back and i do not want to face him again..And it's weird cause i'm a strong person but he always wears his sweet face and then i give in..You can't imagine, it's like there are two of them! The confusion hurts the most, not his absence..Actually, he wasn't present the whole time..i was alone in this "relationship".
Same, I've never done drugs and live a very clean life. Somehow, I made it about me and took it personally. I thought I was the reason he behaved the way he did or if I stuck around through all of his rehabilitation programs, he'd somehow see how great I was.
1. You cant love anyone through their demons/problems/addictions. The addict has to want to get well.
2. At some point I realized, I was addicted to his sick selfish behavior. He'd ghost me the day after he told me he loved me and I would wait by the phone, not living my life. But you see, that on me, that is my own codependent sick behavior. His sickness was making me sick! So I released him in love. I love him and i want him well, but i wont allow him to hurt me any longer while hes figuring it out.
3. It is the sickest game and addicts are so selfish, they literally don't have the capacity to care about anything but chase their next high.
Read around on this forum, so many people experience the same exact behaviors.
Work on you. I started running five miles a day, i spent time with friends, read books etc. You see, no one is responsible for our happiness, but us. Sounds like he has a long road ahead and you don't want to drug down that slippery slope.