lo23

Hello to everyone in this forum!
I'm gonna need a little time to tell my story, i'm sorry if i get into details but i'm at a point that i can't understand ANYTHING although i KNOW everything.
I met a beatiful guy (38yo), i am also at this age and he was the BEST, i mean the best and more carring and tender guy i've met for many years in my life.. The only thing that made me feel like "something is weird" is that from the start of the relationship he wanted to be with me all the time. But i thought "ok the just likes me as i like him". He always asked me to come over his place, sleeping there for days, we had a great time. Everything was ok!
He didn't had a job at that time, he was planning to start a "music career as a dj" and i thought that this is his dream, he should follow it. I was supported. The problem was that he was smoking weed ALL day. I mean, ALL day, like it was just ciggarettes you know? From the moment he woke up, then staying awake all night doing the same thing. His friends was the same. They all had that "habbit". I dont smoke, i dont do drugs. He was really happy with me and i could see that. He never left his house, we didn't go for a coffee or just A WALK all this time..
After 2 months i asked him to go for a coffee and THEN was a sudden chance in him "pushing me away" for no reason at all and i accepted that..After 2 days he came back to me saying he is sorry and when i asked him "what is wrong?" he replied by saying "it's nothing, it's stuff in my head that make me do stupid things"...
Time goes by, the scenario is the same..Same routine, the weed problem, the depression, me trying to cheer him up, to be supportive..At some point, i started taking care of this house, meaning going to super market, buying food and things that was missing for him, buing medicines for him to have, giving him money (he never asked but i was "like he is asking"). He wasn't looking for job either ...All he did was chilling with his "friends" at his house when i wasn't there and chilling with me when i was there..
Two months after that he asks for space ONCE again saying "it's not you it's me" i said ok, i wasn't bothered him but he was disappeared for 2 weeks again and then he starts liking my instagram posts (20++ likes in a row).. I was confused and i called him..He said he is sorry about his behavior so we went back 2gether..I'm on therapy btw, and my therapist told me (months before that happened) that he is an addict. I didn't believed it because i only saw "weed use" on daily basis and i didn't think that was so bad..She explained to me that "he is not using only weed..people that does weed do not act like that, they can be fuctional, he is using other substances and he is doing that years before he met you and the only way for that is rehab"
My best friend told me the same. That he is a junkie. He WAS a junkie before he met me. I didn't believe any of them...i thought, "i would have seen something at least!" so we wen't back together...
After two months .. the story repeats.. He was out of space, leaving the same routine and saying stuff that didn't seem to make ANY sense for an adult..i started to think "what am i doing with my life here..he is not changing a thing...". So at that day, he game me a call saying "he has to go for a walk with "a friend" and he will call me after that".. I told him , "i cant do this anymore, i have needs too, please give me time at least to say goodbye.." and he just hang up his phone...i know he was meeting with a dealer i guess...and i was left like this...
After 3 weeks she started liking my stuff on social media, i didn't pay attention to anyting, i just couldn't understand why he's doing that...So one day, after a month...he send me a msg saying he misses me, that he wanted to send me a msg many times blah blah" and i responded... And then... he accepted his fault, saying i was the best thing that happened to him, that he lost me because of this "head" that he wants to try it over etc etc...and i was THERE to listen and belived him.
And here comes the funny part... FOR NO REASON, once again he disappeared, i send him a msg saying "are you ok? can i call you" and he replied "i dont want to talk today so no." and i was like" ok but something must be happend for feeling this way..what is it?" and i called me, he was aggressive.. screaming "I CAN'T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP IS OVER" and i was like...wtf? i was in your house just yesterday and everything was okay....... and he said "i must hang up, im going for a walk "with this guy-his friend" and i will call you later!!!!" He never did....
I msg him politely the next morning saying i did nothing wrong, i was there for him for all this time, and if he's feeling better i would like to talk like we always have..." No response...I posted a photo of me 4days later and he pressed "heart reaction" but besides that its been 1 week complete silence..like the other times...Everyone believes he is using stuff that i'm not aware of... that he WILL come back again because he is SICK. And i am devastated because i can't belive anything anymore. The only thing i believe is that i am a faillure...I was there for him the whole time...and he treats me like that...i don't think he is coming back, i do not know what i did to him to treat me this way....

Any comment will be helpful....
Thank you for your time...


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