Originally Posted by
acshore 
@trailmix,
You CANNOT change people, but I believe you can influence by positive reinforcement and not giving up on them completely. Yes, reality DOES often take precedence, but I also believe hope and faith - even at a distance - is the one thing they do not count on. They do not expect that when someone walks away, they will still care and still be there if and when they decide to do right by themselves. If all you do is simply extend a hand for the sake of love with no expectation but hope for them, there is nothing wrong with that.
Ac, I hear you talking lots about the alcoholic which is understandable. However the more you can focus on your own shortcomings, and what you are doing to overcome these, the better.
We, like the alcoholic, don't want to change. Alcoholics have the booze; we codependents have the dysfunctional dance of the relationship. Under both the alcohol and the dysfunctional relationship lies the pain and wounds that need to be addressed.
It isn't a bad thing that you have educated yourself about alcoholism. What have you learned about codependency? Have you read
Codependent No More?
We all love to talk and think about the alcoholic. This is our own disease. It is why we are here. Detaching and focusing on our own problems is what we do to heal . . . .and with that I'm off to work on finances: reconcile a credit card statement, look up some information on shared banktivity program and open some mail . . .ugh.
Let us know how you get on!