Old 07-02-2020, 03:21 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
acshore
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2020
Posts: 13
@trailmix,

Perhaps I misspoke in terms of "allowing". I meant condoning. If we stand by and comfort an addict continuously, we are therefor condoning their behavior that they are self-imposing. Especially, under manipulation with others, such as what was happen to me; that, I allowed. But when you are in the thick, you cannot see the forest through the trees. In terms of will, I believe, that is something that they want to but simply CANNOT. There is a very good book I read in a four-day-gap called, "Under the Influence" by James Robert Milam. When someone progresses so far, they cannot stop on their own. Two things happen: they either have to have an intervention, or they have to have a catalyst, in which circumstances make their life absolutely unbearable and they fight their way out of their imprisonment. They go thru all their resources, friends, become near destitute, etc... Often, as I found in my situation, my empathy was creating a problem because the man knew my compassion made me prone to being manipulated. And I allowed it, though, I did not realize I had control over myself, but I in turn reacted to it by trying to control him; I thought his acts of suicide were serious and given his history, I should have. But I realized what a disservice I was doing by comforting someone who was seeking to continue their addiction and asking for help, then walking out of rehab twice. I was willing to be there for them if they were doing right by themselves, as a friend, or whatever, but not if they were not seeking help. Walking away was the hardest thing I have ever done yet the best for both of us. If you choose to stay with someone who is self-harming, you ARE essentially saying you are accepting unacceptable self-harm and subjecting yourself to the wind-tunnel of abusive draft. You CANNOT change people, but I believe you can influence by positive reinforcement and not giving up on them completely. Yes, reality DOES often take precedence, but I also believe hope and faith - even at a distance - is the one thing they do not count on. They do not expect that when someone walks away, they will still care and still be there if and when they decide to do right by themselves. If all you do is simply extend a hand for the sake of love with no expectation but hope for them, there is nothing wrong with that.
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