velma929,
You are so right about not having control! Yet, it is so ironic, because when an alcoholic is using emotional manipulation, it draws on your heartstrings and empathy turns to codependency because you have a hard time saying "No". Again, the backstory of someone makes it harder to leave, yet, if you stay, you're helping them die. I read an article that said if you keep an addict's secrets, you're helping them be enabled and thus helping them to kill themselves. As far as my being more moral or caring, that isn't the issue. My mother who is recovery clearly stated, many do not wish to get involved. The main reason this man began to become angry was I let the cat out of the bag. If an addict is happy, you're enabling; if they're angry, you're doing the right thing. I told the truth(s) and did not hide it for even though I lived in fear of his retaliation, I'd rather his life be okay in the end. Yet, I had to say no more, because he continued to make me feel responsible for his life, he wanted me around on his terms, and I was continuing to apologize for things that were not my doing. Part of my own healing is realizing how naive I was in enabling him in some ways, yet, as soon as I got wind of what I was doing - acting impulsively out of shear fear - I started speaking up. I found myself buying into the manipulation because I was so scared and having a lot of responsibility for their livelihood imposed on me and I bought into it because of my caring nature. It is difficult: if you surrender to an addict's manipulation, yes, they will be in your life, but under their terms and you feeding their addiction. If you do the right thing, and no keep their secrets and start speaking up, you are the enemy, the threat to their feel-good access and they blame you. Doing the right thing for both is never easy. I miss my friend, the person I met who inspired me to do something with my life, and the good person I know who is within him. It is time for me to heal just as he is and to know being angry at him is misplaced anger. Same goes for myself. Be angry at what addiction does to everyone involved.