Thank you, everyone, for your replies. I will respond in more detail later, but wanted to provide an update. I had gone silent the last number of days because -- as you might have figured -- things are developing very quickly. I came home on Friday and it was clear that AW had been drinking. This after a complete disaster on Thursday where she drank heavily around the kids and almost hurt herself trying to prepare lunch for them. It dawned on me that we were in uncharted territory. Her drinking - a frustration, a nuisance, a damaging personality trait -- was now a threat. Not only was she a danger to herself, she was an active danger to our children. I told her she had to leave.
I called the police (non emergency), and asked them to intervene since I really wanted her to get the help she needed. They informed me that they could not force her to go to detox, but they talked it over with her and they agreed for the safety of the children, that she would go to a hotel for the night. Through this all, she was insisting that she wasn't drinking, despite the fact that there was clearly vodka on her breath.
She went to the hotel, and then the texts started coming, which ranged from apologetic to threatening. Then they stopped. The texts resumed sporadically the next day, but not as much. I assumed she was too busy getting drunk. Finally, later on Saturday, she texted me - clearly drunk - and said she was scared and wanted to come home. I repeated my request that she call me when she was sober. She spent that night at the hotel as well.
Meanwhile, I am reaching out to friends for support. One friend - such an amazing person - agreed to pick her up the next day. That next day, my AW called again. I informed me that she was sober. I wasn't sure if I believed her, but it was difficult to tell over the phone. My friend went to pick her up. When my friend got her, AW stayed in the car and my friend came over to tell me that she had clearly been drinking just that morning. AW had admitted that she wanted "one more chance to dull the pain." We agreed that AW shouldn't come home that day, and she took her to her house to detox.
The next day, I finally agreed to come get her that afternoon. She had been gone Friday evening to Monday afternoon. It was a very long and painful weekend. I had learned that between Friday night and Saturday night she had consumed two large bottles of vodka (26oz each), some wine, and some soju. A truly disturbing amount of alcohol to consume. Understandably, she wasn't herself when she got home and she was suffering some major withdrawal. I had her stay in bed all afternoon and night Monday.
Then came today (Tuesday). After having called in sick on Monday, AW put in a solid morning of work from home, trying to pick up the pieces from her work. Her colleagues are great, thankfully. I knew that the next few days were key and that I would have to watch her like a hawk. Unfortunately, a pre-arranged appointment with guy who had come to clear our eavestroughs distracted me for a few minutes. I went outside, and when I came in, I saw her scurrying up from the basement. She quickly took a sip of coffee -- I assume, to cover the smell on her breath. She had fresh vodka on her breath again.
Again, she denied it. She admitted that she wanted to drink, but she hadn't. I can't tell you how upsetting and damaging it is for your loved one to insist, despite all the evidence to the contrary, that they haven't been drinking. (Epilogue: She had, because I found the evidence later, but that's not relevant at this point because I didn't need the evidence. It was obvious.) I told her she needed help. It was clear her withdrawal was awful, and that she needed help I couldn't provide. I took her to the local hospital. I couldn't go in due to COVID-19 restrictions, so I had to leave the alcoholic to dutifully assess how much in crisis she was. Lo and behold, she left, found alcohol, and got drunk. She then seemed to have second thoughts, because then she returned to the hospital. She is now receiving fluids and may be discharged - I, of course, thinks he needs to be held for 72 hours at least to detox, but I have no say in the matter. It's not clear when she will be discharged, but she's texting with my friend as well, who seems to think that her intention is to come here again. My feeling is that if she wasn't safe around the kids last week, she's still not safe around the kids today.
So I'm currently waiting for the next part of this terrible saga. The pain, the exhaustion, the desperation - it's all taking its toll.