Biminiblue,
I spoke to my husband. He says he is going to try harder to let me know he loves me. Right now, I am going to take that as his truthful word. God gave us the grace to find our way this far in recovery --separately and together-- and I am so grateful for yours and everyone's kind support.
Maybe I won't ever know exactly what is happening with him or what has been the harrowing road he's taken. I am praying for him to stay sober. 90 days tomorrow! If he can stay sober I am sure he will find a way to overcome the challenges going on inside his mind. If he can stay sober, I am sure he will find his way back to me, because I am a good woman and I love him dearly.
I will keep working on myself, going to Alanon and whatever else is available to help me find my way, like this group. Today, for this moment, my heart is full of gratefulness and I will keep having faith.