Woodland----I am sorry--I have never been married to a practicing alcoholic. My qualifier for being here is a close relative. I did work with alcoholics for a long time---as medical co-ordinator of an alcoholism program for a large HMO (health maintainence organization)---and, I worked for severa years on a psychiatric unit in a community hospital---where I helped treat many alcoholics and worked with other staff that were long-time recovered alcoholics. so--I have seen them in the worst possible conditions and I have seem them after long standing recovery through AA.
From what I can "see" from what you share, are the following possibilities---or, more likely, a combination of several. Grief reaction (normal), some co-dependency tendencies (that covers a lot of territory)...And, possibly, some cultural expectations of men that you might have internalized. Co-dependency is a blanket term that can cover a ton of dynamics. there are a lot of ways that it can be expressed.
and, here is something that I am known to hammer on , a lot----Ignorance. Ignorance of the nature and behavior of alcoholism . One cannot rely on the usual "rules" of relationships, that we are taught by our parents, the schools, church, and the society in general for two kinds off situations---Addictions and Abuse. Those two turn the usual rules all topsy turvy.
that is why I think you should keep reading and learning, Knowledge is power.
There are lots and lots of good videos on co-dependency on youtube.
I am sure that you have read "Co-dependency No More", by now----?