Woorockwell tyodlland-----you are going through the roller coaster experience that alcoholics will put their partners through----and, you are grieving the loss of the secure Norman Rockwell marriage that you wish were---but, isn't. And, you have intense emotions---and, you wonder what is wrong with you??! You are human. These are normal human emotions, for the situation, I think. These emotions are hard--hard---hard, and, they don't go away until you have finished the process and come to acceptance. It is o.k.; to express them. You have that riight. You hurt, and you cry.
Yes, do get "help"----as much as you need. From your friends, and therapist and any where you can find it. Continue to read and learn every day---about alcoholism and the effects on the loved ones.
Thankfully, you have an experienced clear minded lawyer. Follow her advice.
Have you read the recommended books and watched the recommended youtube videosm and read all of the articles from our Friends and Family library?
The library is in the stickies---just above the threads. there are over 100 of them. I wll give you a convenient link to them, below. They are ll written by those who have suffered the kind of pain that you are going through, right now!
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)