Hi Lines
I never stopped after a bad binge - I had things like falling down stairs. falling through glass tables, upsetting people I loved to the point they never wanted to see or speak to me again....
I always picked up again.
When I did stop it was nearly dying - mini strokes etc - that did the trick. I had this small but sure voice telling me I'd die this way.
the fear didn't keep me sober but it did get me to a point where I was able to reconnect with my authentic real self again and change fundamentally,
I'm not sure I'm reading your post right tho - are you saying you were basically ok doing coke until this one bad binge? You don't really believe that do you?
D