You have written the story of most of us here.
And thank you for that.
We need to hear it sometimes and you clearly needed to say it.
So what now?
Today I spoke to my daughter about my drinking. She says things like, "I forgive you". I tell her that she should not forgive me. That she should be pissed at me. But she says she's not. I mumbled something about secrets being dirty little things and how I'm open to talking about it because I owe her that.
Who the hell knows what the right thing to do is, anymore?