LPG,
So good to hear from you and sorry for the reason but for me it is weird that you post this now and thanks. I too have been having some of those wild and crazy thoughts after five years so glad to hear I am not alone. So annoying, right?
I realize I dont miss the drinking, because by the end, let's face it, and don't know about you, but my drinking and the events surrounding it and what I did at times was the absolute worse thing that I ever did or happened to me (even worse than my ex and that is saying ALOT) but at moments like these I miss the illusion of drinking. The thought of having a nice X with Y in the Z. Never mind that me having one drink never happened ever and by the end it was never nice, which is why it is an illusion.
Th key for me is to do what my friend Sass says (hey lady) and rememder just how bad the reality of drinking is for us always and forever. It helps me to conciously recall as vividly as possible one especially bad thing that happened at the end of my drinking career whenever the illusion passes through. I have another added policing mechanism in that I cannot lose the trust and respect of my eldest again, which I totally would, but just the memories of what I did is luckily enough to break my illusion (but they are so annoying, after five years, really??)
So lets hang in there together.
Take care.