Mamabear……"He SAYS that he is going to fight you for custody"...…those are words.
How do you suppose that he can do that?......it takes resources and a stable mind to do that....especially from another state. From what you have shared...he can't even keep a roof over his head by his own means.
Stick with your lawyer...and follow sound legal advice.
You can't force him to be a good father.
You have no control over him.....
The 3 Cs......You didn't Cause it.....You can't Control it....and, you Can't Cure it....
It is important for you to focus on what you can control...…
I think it is time to stop expecting anything from him. And, to stop trying to be an agent of change in his life. That is not your job and it is a fool's errand to even try.
You can control your own decisions and you are in charge of your own and your child's future. This should be your top priority, from here on out....the welfare of yourself and your child....
I suggest that you begin to channel all of the energy that has gone into your boyfriend....to working on your own self and your own life. This is where it will pay positive results!
About the pain.....Yes, you will get beyond it....but, not overnight. You will grieve over the loss of what you wanted the relationship to be---but, can never be.
If you work really hard on yourself....and FOR yourself....the pain will fade over a period of weeks and months....the worst will be over in about a year....if you look forward to your future, and don't get stuck in the past.....
I call it the "short-term pain....for the long-term gain....
Here is what I suggest....in addition to sticking close to your counselor, of course.
1. Get a copy of the most recommended book on this forum...."Co-dependent No More"......it is an easy read and you will find it resonating with you....I promise.
2. We have a great library of articles, here on this forum, about the effects of alcoholism (addictions) on the loved ones. More than 100 articles. Enough for you to read one every single day.....
This library of articles is contained within the "stickies" ….just above the main threads.
I am going to give you a quick link to this library...for your convenience.
3. Find an alanon group in your area to attend. You will find much understanding, there....and your feelings will be validated....as well as allowing you to do much self exploration.....with others who have walked in your same shoes...
This is in addition to your counselor, of course....
Helpful warning---Don't ever, under any circumstances...no matter what he might promise, allow him to move in under your roof...……
He may well bounce back...when things go south in California.....be prepared!