Hi, Taco. My ex was a world-class hider too, and I understand how you question your sanity, wonder if you're exaggerating or making it up, and in general doubt your perception of the situation.
Two words for you, my friend: BELIEVE YOURSELF. I'm nearly 5 years divorced now, and I've learned that virtually everything I ever suspected was in fact true, plus many other things that never even occurred to me at the time.
Alanon and SR were a powerful combo for me, and I'd recommend the same for you. Unfortunately, I don't know that you can find an in-person Alanon meeting right now, but if you can at least get a start through a phone or online meeting, that's something. Reading Alanon literature can help a lot too. I've found Amazon to be the best source for used (and therefore more affordable) Alanon books.
FG's advice about preparing for a worst-case scenario is excellent. As is often said here, ALL alcoholics are functional--until they AREN'T. And many times, it's not a slow and gradual descent; it's like dropping off a cliff w/no warning. Just knowing that I had a plan in place and resources to allow me to get along when/if it became necessary to end things brought me some peace.
Hope you continue to visit SR. There is a fraction of the usual traffic here since the coronavirus outbreak, but if you use this time to read the years and years of stories, experience and advice posted here, including the "stickies" at the top of the page, soon enough I hope we'll be back to normal w/a steady flow of new postings for you to read and participate in.