Nd...….it would be great if there was something that would "magically" erase anger. Especially, if you are living with the very origin of your anger, every day.
Actually, anger according to those in the behavioral sciences, is not usually a Primary emotion. It is a default emotion...a protective emotion....it is to cover other very scary emotions...like sadness, frustration, fear...…
And,I can imagine that you are filled with fears and sadness that living with an alcoholic brings into your life.
A few techniques that can help to keep the anger from spinning you out of control, are these...…
Some vigorous exercise every day...at least, walking out in nature...out of the house....
Isolating yourself to another part of the house, as much as possible when he is drinking on the couch
***Changing your expectations of him. Lowering the bar of your expectations to the ground, if necessary.....Stop expecting different from him.....
He is going to do what he is going to do. that is not going to change.
***When he is spewing garbage from his lips....think of him as a small Quacking Duck....Full of sound and fury, and signifying nothing.....Ignore him as you would a little quacking duck.....
***Begin to make plans inside your own head, about removing the source of anger from your life and the lives of your children. At least, not living under the same roof with it. Day dream about it....imagine it...make mental plans for it....I call this "stacking boxes". Imagine yourself in a deep, deep hole, and stacking boxes to make yourself a ladder for your exit/escape from the hole....
What you can....what you are willing to dream of...you can do....
Get all of the help that you can get....find those that you can talk to...even if on the phone or other media....
****My personal favorite----when I am whit hot angry with someone...when my anger grabs me by the throat....I get to a private place....where no one can hear me....even just walking, outside....and, I imagine the person that I am angry with....and, I just say every thing on my mind that I would like to say to them....
I just talk out loud....and, not nicely, either.....
If I can't think of a person...I just unload to The Universe or God or some such.
It might sound and look "krazy".....but, it has kept me on balance many, many times.
I think that letting the kids know that it is NOT their fault...over and over, helps. This has got to be very hard for them. If it were me, I would let them know that their Dad is under the influence and that he is ma king very bad choices.....
but, that is me....I don't know what others might do.....
Also, distract yourself as much as you can with movies, books, music, and do good self care...every chance that you get....