kc......it is astonishing how cruel an alcoholic can be....as they live inside of their own "alcoholic bubble". The alcohol affects all levels of the brain. Especially, it affects the front part of the brain...the "prefrontal cortex". That is where al of the "executive functions" are located....like, judgement, decision making, etc....
Alcohol does a job on this area of the brain....
It is like they are operating with only a part of their brain intact. You can actually see some of the same behaviors in people who have had a traumatic brain injury in that area of their brain....
This is especially prominent when a person is intoxicated, and, even when they are not intoxicated.....
It can take many months for the alcoholic brain to clear up after putting down the bottle...or even a couple of years or so...depending on the individual...how much and how l ong they have been drinking....
I think it helps to be educated about how alcohol affects the alcoholic....so that you can be realistic about what you are dealing with. Otherwise, one may personalize too many things, or have unrealistic hopes for the relationship.
It helps to know what things you can control in your life...and which ones you have no control over.
It is, also. in my opinion, important to recognize when the only and best thing to do is protect your own self and your own welfare....
There can come a time, when dealing with alcoholics. when your own survival and ability to thrive (not just exist) becomes the main priority.....