pizza I think I hear wh at you are asking for...but, I also know the frustration of that. I think that most all f us have tried to reach the alcoholic by having "just the right words" or being able to out-logic or out-debate them....We tried everything to pull back the curtains and let the Enlightment in.....
But....there is no one more deaf than those who will not hear. Their ears are closed due to the Denial of their disease. the ability to do self evaluation and shoulder responsibility is as scarce as icewater in the Sahara.
I think that the best way to what you are wanting....the best for you and your children's ultimate welfare is to increase your own self confidence and learning all that you can learn.....
He may remain ignorant...but Knowledge will be your power.