so glad to see you , O.
you didn’t ask fir input or thoughts, but i’ll give some:
“ - Speaking of unwieldiness (which we weren't, but it's a clever alliteration, don't you think?), my sponsor took me to task yesterday when I told her that part of my plan for support would be to help people understand in advance what I might need from them if I ever need to pull the panic chain, which it seems I need to be fully prepared to fully execute. She asked for a clarification and though I gave a couple of ideas stated in a positive sense, I also gave an example of what I thought would not help. At which she bristled and told me in no uncertain terms that I'd failed at this thing my way so I needed to start listening to suggestions. I protested, "I am!" but she wasn't hearing it - all she apparently heard was the screech of my heels digging in.”
i have thought about this many times over the years. in general with regard to “doing differently” and also with regard to your repeated returns to drinking.
someone told me once that people relapse because they already know how not to. as you can imagine, i bristled at this outrageously arrogant and stuuuupid statement.
later, i saw that there is a lot of truth in it. i see it relating to your conversation with your sponsor about you wanting to help others understand in advance what you might need and what is NOT helpful.
i don’t know where the line is, exactly, between boundaries and expectations, but there is one. telling folks what is not helpful is boundary stuff. trying to get them to understand what you might need in advance seems more on the expectation side.
and likely to leave you “let down”.
people offer what we can. it is unlikely to be exactly what you need, when you need it. and they/we may not be reliably available. or willing.
nevertheless, your sobriety needs to go on. how to make that happen? maybe that is what your sponsor was suggesting you look at?