struggling
Hey everyone,
So today is my first day using this site. One of my counselor's referred me to a few different positive resources to keep me on track during this time. This whole epidemic is creating an even more internal struggle and challenge for myself this time in my recovering process. Not only do I daily battle the harsh temptations and obstacles of addiction but I'm also recovering from open heart surgery. Back in October of last year, I got really sick and when finally admitting myself to the hospital following an overdose, the doctors discovered that I had an infection which had gotten into my blood stream and spread to my heart and lungs -- endocarditis if anyone is familiar with the name. That's just a short summary in a nutshell of what happened.
Never in a million years did I dream that would happen to me. It just feels like that every day there's another outlet that's taken from me that helps me to stay on track. My clinic shutting down which is where I also do therapy, my church cancelling services, my physical therapy office now closed where I would exercise and build back my strength, among many other things that I turned to after surviving. At first, it didn't really bother me but as things continue to close down, it's getting harder and harder.
I know that this is just another test for myself to work through and become stronger by not turning to any substance use but when that's the only thing that I've known for so long to take up my leisurely activity time and any other spare time in my life for that matter, it makes things hard to substitute out. The COVID-19 virus is an epidemic nationally for everyone and I never, ever imagined that I would be healing from a surgery that could've taken my life, fighting my addiction after being administered the narcotics following and prior to my surgery that could have caused me to relapse, and having to work daily on getting back to my normal health and strength that I've taken for granted for so many years.
I know I may be ranting but I guess what I'm really getting at is that resources like this will bring me hope that things can get better and that they don't have to turn for the worse. I am struggling with finding things to do though to prevent me from back sliding in this process. "Idle time makes for the devil's work" is what I've been told throughout my life and I've never seen more truth in that statement until recently. So, if anyone has any suggestions, words of encouragement, or even can just relate to what I'm going through and how this feels, I'd love to hear that I'm not alone. That always seems to make things slowly get easier when an individual knows that there are others who've made it through their struggles or that are right there with them fighting that fight....
Thanks for listening guys.