DriGuy

I stayed in meetings for several years, but the reasons for that changed over the years. Early on I felt fragile. That quickly left after a few weeks, when I knew I was going to be OK, but I worried about going back out, especially seeing how common it was among members to come and go, praise sobriety for awhile, and then go back out, so I stayed on as an insurance against whatever caused people to lose it.

After a couple of years, I had figured out what the triggers were that sent others back to the bottle. Well, at least I figured out what my triggers were. But while doing this, I made some good friends in the program, so I stayed a few more years for the fellowship.

I did start to wonder how healthy it was to be around drunks coming and going, and I questioned if the fellowship, as much as I enjoyed it, was healthy or just another form of avoidance.

Whether it was accurate or not, when I finally broke ties, which was not a sudden departure, but somewhat prolonged, like testing the water with my toe before jumping in, I had the feeling that I was leaving the program and stepping out into life.

And I did. I ended up accomplishing a life long goal of selling my house and everything I had accumulated over the years, bought a boat and single-handedly sailed it from California to Mexico to Hawaii to Alaska, and down the Inland Passage through Canada to the lower 48. I sold the boat at the end of three years and and moved a little deeper into the woods, but 3000 miles away from where I lived before. I kept in touch with my sponsor who had quit going to meetings after I did until he fell off the map and I lost track of him.

For me, maybe not everyone, there certainly was a life after meetings. I went back to a couple of meetings near my new home, but there wasn't anything there for me anymore. That was 10 years ago.