If you don't know how you're being affected...
If you don't know how you're being affected by another person's addiction, or you're unsure about leaving a toxic situation... here's what happened to me today:
I found this forum maybe two years ago... or more. At the time, I was leaving a relationship that I didn't know was abusive until it became violent. I was in a relationship with a violent drug addict. I thought I had to save him -- so did he; and because of that expectation, I was blamed for everything from his resistance to trying sobriety to my depression from being in what I felt was an unlivable situation that I could not leave.) I have since been free. When I went no contact, I did everything I could to maintain those boundaries.
But there's one thing I did not do. I did not delete all my social media accounts. Instead I just ignored them for two years. I really wanted to just hide from him (I was that afraid of him).
So today, because I thought I was "over it", I tried to do a "clean up". I was deleting things when I saw a recent thumbnail picture of him and immediately my heart rate increased, I started sweating, I started feeling my extremities go numb, and I started to feel extremely unsafe. I had no reason to feel unsafe... it was just an automatic response to... a blurry thumbnail picture of my ex.
Because of this I now know that complex PTSD is for life. PTSD may go into hiding for months... and then -- boom -- you're exposed to a trigger and you start thinking of building a panic room and wondering how long you can live in it if you fill it with cans of baked beans.
When you're in the thick of it, you don't know how you're being damaged.