Yes it does sound like you are now understanding that this is out of control and only you can stop it.
I really recommend that you get hold of a book called Codependent no More by Melody Beattie. It is often recommended here. I'm not saying you are codependent or not, I don't know! But there is a lot of information in there about relationships and boundaries that I think you will find really helpful in getting clarity.
Growing up in a house with an alcoholic is dysfunctional (I know this from experience) so a lot of your behaviour now can probably be contributed to that (not laying blame on anyone, it just is).
No, you can't stop him, just yourself. Does it really matter what other people think? And even if that is very important to you, do you think everyone is blind to what your Mother does and your Husband? People are, generally, not that naive. When you are at the eye of the storm you may think OH they don't see what I see! Well no they probably don't, but I bet they see enough. As for specifically what he says about you, alcoholics don't think awfully straight, alcohol affects the mind, even when they are "sober" for a day or two, alcoholism is still affecting them, the brain doesn't heal overnight.
It really shouldn't matter though and are you willing to sacrifice your happiness for what a bunch of people may or may not gossip about?
You know who you are, that's enough right there.
Yes, many times people have trouble releasing those lost dreams, that's completely normal but oh so important to look at things realistically.
You are living with an alcoholic that is abusing you verbally, not in the perfect house with the perfect love story. I think you do see that now.
There is much more for you to have in life, to focus on yourself and what you want. I don't mean in a selfish way, I mean in a looking after yourself way, protecting yourself, that's so important.
You may not be ready to bolt out the door tomorrow but you can start making a plan in case things don't change (and I don't see anything in your story to indicate that it is going to anytime soon). See a lawyer (or two) for a free consultation, ideally one with experience with addictions. You can get a referral to those from your local DV center (and a wealth of other information and it's confidential). Look at rental prices (if you are renting) or have your house appraised. Maybe he will move, this info is still good to have. Ensure you have some money put away and a place to go.
That kind of thing. That empowers you.