clowery,
I agree with the others. I don't see this as a "turn of events". I see his as more of the same.
Him declaring that he wants a divorce may be different WORDS out of his mouth but he is using the same emotional blackmailing tactics as he has been. He said it then kinda took it back, sorta, and continued to tell you it's your fault. From what you've told us. this seems like more of the same ole'-same ole'
Just because he's playin' you doesn't mean you have to play along. He is depending on you feeling all jumbled up, he is actively trying to MAKE you feel that way. I know it's really hard to disengage when you are confronted with it on a constant basis... but really his words are nothing more than quacking... a desperate attempt to keep both his wife and his bottle... but it's even worse than that, because he is actively harming your health with the things he says to you. I hope you find the strength to stop listening to him.
Just like you don't have the power to get him sober.... he doesn't have the power to make you feel crazy... not if you don't allow him to do so.
I set a boundary with my AXH a couple years before I left him. " I will not engage with him when he has been drinking" It was a real sanity saver for me. It wasn't easy at first, but as I learned to enforce that boundary the swirling slowed down and I started gaining back my strength. Trying to battle with my active alcoholic was pointless... what worked for me was doing battle with the parts of myself that needed to be changed.
I am glad you are here with us clowery. I remember feeling so alone and alienated when I was going through the things you are dealing with now. I wish I had been braver and reached out for more support. Good for you that you are here talking things through. *hugs*