Clowery,
Im so sorry you’re going thru this. Understandable that you have a wide range of emotions right now. I would too. Be kind to yourself. Reach out for support, you are not alone.

Allthough the “picture” you had envisioned didn’t go as planned, this really changes nothing. He is still blaming and finger pointing at you. He wants everyone to see he is the “victim” here. He will throw you under the bus so he doesn’t have to look at the “elephant” in your marriage. Hard to accept that, I know.

Try not to future trip. I know you still have hope that he will seek sobriety. Unfortunately this is not the case (right now) You have to look at today, and his actions today. What do they show you?

Take this one day at a time still. And yes, document everything! You have to protect yourself and your kids

P.S. I second everything dandylion said in her post....

Big Hugs to you!